This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
