You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
