from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
