Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
