how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
