on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
