i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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