the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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