The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Sorry my hands just texted you
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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