I just saw a hot homeless man
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
