I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I can feel your judgement through the phone
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
