i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
