You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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