He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
