Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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