How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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