Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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