I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My dad is sitting where you rode me
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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