so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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