this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize