Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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