somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize