you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
