I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
