This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize