Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Randomize
