I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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