Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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