1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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