God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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