well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
How does one acquire holy water?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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