i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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