Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
