Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
