it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
