Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize