You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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