Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
