If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
