my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
