I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
