I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
