What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
there is puke in my bra ... again
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
