Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
