I have demons in me.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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