yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
