I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
