I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
