She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
