quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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