I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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