i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
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