do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
third nipple confirmed
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
