woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
