You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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