If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
