we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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