i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
