You just made me feel so damn special
I got chris browned last night
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
