Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Randomize
