i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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