Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
