i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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