told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
