girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I need to calm my uterus...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
