i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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