So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
