that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
