Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
how drunk are you?
Several
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
