You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Boobs are out for the taking
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
