I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
